How Words of Affirmation Make Others Feel Appreciated + 20 Examples

Words have the power to articulate complex emotions, affection, and appreciation in nuanced ways. For some of us, nothing’s more reassuring and affirming than hearing something kind from someone we care about. Suppose your partner, friend, family member, or colleague feels recognized and most connected when you compliment them or verbally express your gratitude for them being in your life. In that case, there’s a good chance that their primary love language is “words of affirmation.”

Words of affirmation are one of the five love languages identified by Dr. Gary Chapman in his 1992 book, The 5 Love Languages. According to Chapman, everyone has a primary love language that dictates how they best give and receive love. You can think of a love language much like a communication preference. For some, hearing unsolicited words of affirmation is their primary way of feeling loved and valued.

In this article, learn how words of affirmation can strengthen bonds in various types of relationships, plus examples of empowering phrases that work well to show others you care about them. 

What Are Words of Affirmation?

Words of affirmation are verbal expressions of love, support, encouragement, and appreciation. They can be spoken out loud or written down, such as in a letter, email, or text. Positive affirmations effectively build relationships because they’re supportive and validating. Words of affirmation are thought to be the most common among the five love languages.

Here are different types of expressions that qualify as words of affirmation:

• Compliments
• Encouragement
• Validation
• Sharing kind and caring words that express warmth and gratitude (such as “I love you”)
• Recognizing a kind gesture that someone did and thanking them
• Active listening (which includes repeating what you’ve heard and showing you’re paying attention) 

Benefits of Sharing Words of Affirmation

“As human beings, we aspire to feel competent, valued, and appreciated. Positive words have this type of power, creating the solid foundations needed to build strong, productive relationships that resonate clear lines of communications.”

University of Arizona, Social and Behavioral Sciences Department

Anyone can use words of affirmation, which can be beneficial to share in romantic relationships, friendships, familial relationships, and professional settings. 

According to Dr. Chapman, each person has a primary and secondary love language, and understanding these can help deepen relationships by ensuring that individuals communicate respect in ways that are most meaningful to their partners. In other words, recognizing and speaking someone’s love language shows that you’re paying attention to their needs and that you’re “on the same page.”

Neuroscientist Andrew Newberg, author of Words Can Change Your Brain, explains that words and language are powerful tools for influencing our moods and perceptions. Newberg has found, “Certain positive words—like peace or love—may actually have the power to alter the expression of genes throughout the brain and body, turning them on and off in ways that lower the amount of physical and emotional stress we normally experience throughout the day.”

Here are some of the benefits of sharing words of affirmation:

• Validation: Hearing affirming words can validate a person’s worth, contributions, feelings, and individuality. It reminds them that they are noticed and valued and can build a person’s self-worth and confidence.
• Reassurance: Affirmations act as reassurance, reinforcing to people that they are important, cared for, and that their feelings and emotions matter.
• Meaningful Connection: Studies show that sharing words of affirmation can deepen emotional connections, satisfaction, and feelings of safety. By articulating feelings, people feel closer and more understood by those in their lives.

Why Words of Affirmation Are Some People’s Preferred Form of Expression

“Words of affirmation is typically the language of someone who liked knowing their partner is paying attention to them, notices what makes them tick, and appreciates what makes them special.”

Dr. Maryanne Comaroto, Relationship Psychologist

People may have a preference for words of affirmation over touch, gifts, quality time, or acts of service for these reasons:

• Family Dynamics: How love is expressed and received in one’s family of origin can play a significant role in how they prefer to be loved as an adult. If a person grew up in a household where verbal affirmations were common and were equated with love and approval, they might gravitate toward words of affirmation in their adult relationships. On the other hand, for some, words of affirmation might have been rare during formative years or critical periods in their life. As a result, they might place a premium on such words when they hear them because they provide a sense of validation they might have missed out on when they were younger.
• Past Relationships: Positive experiences in past relationships where words of affirmation played a crucial role can condition someone to expect and appreciate them in future relationships.
• Personal Insecurities: Someone who struggles with self-worth or has insecurities might deeply appreciate verbal affirmations as they provide immediate and direct reassurance.
• Personal Communication Style: Some people are more verbal and expressive in nature. They may communicate their feelings, thoughts, and emotions primarily through words—for example, they may love to read and write—so they also prefer receiving love in the same manner.
• Nature of the Relationship: In certain relationships, especially those that are long-distance or where physical interactions are limited, words can become the primary tool for expressing love. This is especially true in the digital age, considering people are in constant communication using words.
• Individual Personality: People with particular personality types might be more inclined to value words of affirmation. Those who are introspective or deeply emotional might place a higher value on verbal expressions.

Situations Where Words of Affirmation Are NOT the Best Approach

Like anything, words of affirmation can be misused, overused, or used insincerely, such as to fish for compliments or manipulate others. Some people also prefer other expressions of love rather than words due to their personality and past experiences.

Here are some situations in which words of affirmation can lose their intended meaning and actually wind up doing harm:

• When someone is overdependent on compliments: If someone becomes overly reliant on external validation to feel good about themselves, they might struggle with self-esteem or self-worth when they’re not receiving constant affirmation. Relying heavily on words of affirmation can cause a person to miss out on other forms of love expressions or cause someone to feel unloved if they’re not constantly reassured verbally.
• For manipulation: Deceptive words of affirmation can be used manipulatively, causing confusion and trust issues.
• When they’re said too often: If overused without genuine intent, affirmations can lose their meaning and impact. Here’s an example: The first time someone tells you they love you, it’s very meaningful. However, if they say it five times every day, it starts to lose its significance and seems “phony.”
• When they’re misinterpreted: Words are subject to interpretation, and sometimes what one person sees as an affirmation, another might view as hollow or insincere. This is why choosing words carefully and communicating them directly is so important. For instance, be careful about mentioning sensitive subjects such as someone’s appearance, weight, race, or income.
• When they become less frequent or negative: For those who value words deeply and are vulnerable to negative words, criticisms or even constructive feedback can be particularly hurtful, even if said from a well-intentioned place or due to carelessness.

Why Some People Dislike Verbal Expressions of Love

“If you think you’re somehow flawed, or you believe that you aren’t good enough, you might have trouble understanding how others can say such kind things about you.”

Amy Morin, Inc.

Not everyone is verbally expressive. Some cultures or individuals, for example, might find it challenging to articulate feelings and prefer to show love in more tangible or physical ways, such as through acts of service or quality time spent together. Another reason is insecurity; a 2017 study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology found that people with low self-esteem have the most difficulty accepting compliments.

Potential reasons why someone wouldn’t appreciate words of affirmation or want to share them with others include:

• An upbringing that didn’t encourage verbal expression.
• Emotional unavailability, or being scared to get close to someone out of fear of the relationship ending badly.
• Being manipulated with false praise in the past, which makes the receiver suspect ulterior motives.
• Low self-esteem and low self-worth, which can make it hard to believe positive statements about oneself. 
• Having a fear of increased expectations. Some people worry that accepting a compliment means they’ll be held to a higher standard in the future. For instance, if someone is praised for a job well done, they might fear they’ll always have to perform at that level or better to remain valuable.
• Discomfort with attention or social anxiety. Only some people are comfortable being the center of attention or admired.
• Overthinking why a compliment was given, what it means, or whether it’s a reflection of how they’re genuinely perceived.
• Touching on sensitive subjects. For example, someone who’s lost weight might feel conflicted about comments on their appearance.

20+ Examples of Words of Affirmation 

“One of the most important aspects of Words of Affirmation is being genuine with those words. People whose primary language is Words of Affirmation care most about the intentions and emotions behind those words. If you are saying things just to say them, your partner will be keen to that.”

Crated With Love

If you need help expressing your appreciation to other people, use these words of affirmation examples to get you started:

Words of Affirmation for Close, Personal Relationships

• “I love you” or “I care about you so much.”
• “I’m proud of you; you did such a great job.”
• “You mean so much to me, and I love having you in my life.”
• “I appreciate everything you do and how you always think of me.”
• “You’re such a hard worker. I admire your effort”
• “I believe in you and know that you can do it.”
• “Your ideas are so unique and valuable.”
• “You make my day better” or “Being around you always makes me smile.”
• “Thank you for being you.”
• “You are enough just the way you are.”

Words of Affirmation/Encouragement at Work

In the workplace, encouraging words can make a significant difference by boosting morale, enhancing productivity, and promoting team spirit. If you’re giving a colleague, boss, client, or employee praise, be sure that the words you use are professional. Examples of effective ways to express positive employee recognition can include:

• “I truly appreciate the unique perspective you bring to the team.”
• “Your dedication and passion really shine through in your work.”
• “I believe in your potential and know you’ll rise to the challenge.”
• “Your positive attitude is contagious!”
• “You have a knack for turning challenges into opportunities.”
• “Your expertise in [specific skill or area] is invaluable to us.”
• “You have a talent for [specific skill], and it’s been a game-changer for our team.”
• “Keep going, I’ve seen how resilient you can be.”
• “It’s impressive to see how much you’ve grown in your role.”
• “I know I can always count on you to deliver.”
• “Your consistency and reliability make a big difference.”
• “You’re a great listener. And if you ever need help or someone to talk to, I’m here for you.”

6 Tips for Providing Meaningful Words of Affirmation

“Words are singularly the most powerful force available to humanity. We can choose to use this force constructively with words of encouragement, or destructively use words of despair. Words have energy and power with the ability to help, to heal, to hinder, to hurt, to harm, to humiliate and to humble.”

COMPASSION INTERNATIONAL

Below are tips for sharing words of affirmation and encouragement with people who make your life a little (or a lot) better:

1. Be Genuine

It’s essential for your words to come from a sincere place. People can often sense insincerity, which can negate the positive effects of affirmation. Considering some people are sensitive to comments that feel contrived or superficial, even if well-intentioned, it’s best to use praise less often but very sincerely.

To give genuine compliments:

• Only give compliments that you really mean.
• Look for authentic ways to share what you love about someone, especially unique traits.
• Avoid going overboard and exaggerating compliments just to make a bigger impact.
• Give reassurance or praise without expecting it in return; the goal is to build someone else up, not to seek flattery or compliments.

2. Make Them Specific

General or vague compliments are good, but specific ones are often much more memorable and moving than cliche ones.

To make your words of affirmation most impactful:

• Instead of saying, “You’re great,” you could say, “I love how you always take the time to listen to me when I’m stressed about work.”
• Highlight someone’s unique strengths and talents or their effort and hard work.
• Focus more on complimenting someone’s character and things within their control (like their determination or creativity) rather than their appearance or things they didn’t work for.

3. Strike the Right Frequency

Some people need frequent affirmations, while others may be content with less. In fact, complimenting someone too much can start to have the opposite effect, making them suspicious that you’re not being genuine. 

To give encouraging words in the appropriate amounts:

• Pay attention to the recipient’s feedback and adjust your praise accordingly.
• If they respond positively to your words, repeat them in the future—just don’t overdo it.
• If someone feels uncomfortable when you compliment them, pull back and reconsider the specific words you used.
• Remember that everyone is different. If you’re in a situation where you’re unsure whether to give a compliment, consider the individual’s personality, your relationship with them, and the context.

4. Try Different Mediums

While speaking affirmations is common, they can also be written in notes, texts, or letters. Delivering positive feedback and kind words in different ways keeps them fresh and interesting.

To switch up the ways that you express your feelings:

• Try sending cards, encouraging messages, and also telling someone face-to-face how you feel about them.
• For the best effects, don’t just communicate your feelings digitally (this can be especially common among those who are immature).

5. Listen Actively

Sometimes, giving words of affirmation requires listening to someone’s needs or concerns first and foremost. Active listening can help you understand how someone is feeling, providing you the chance to share more tailored affirmations that resonate well.

How to practice active listening:

• When talking to someone, give them your full attention. Listen without distractions to pick up on their subtle messages and emotions.
• Show compassion by reaffirming to someone that you understand their point of view and that their feelings are valid.
• Clarify anything that isn’t clear so you don’t misunderstand the conversation or their message.

6. Don’t Forget to Direct Positive Affirmations to Yourself, Too

Not only does it feel great to hear kind words from other people, but it’s also beneficial to your self-esteem and mental health when you speak kindly to yourself. As writer Ashley Austew says, “Words of affirmation aren’t just tools for sharing our feelings with other people. They’re an important part of self-affirmation and offering encouragement to yourself as well.”

To talk positively to yourself:

• Find or come up with positive affirmations that you can repeat to yourself daily, such as those related to your work ethic and progress.
• Place affirmations around your home or office where they’ll be visible, or use them on a vision board that you display somewhere prominent to feel inspired.

Your Words Matter, So Choose Them Wisely

When it comes to human connection, words of affirmation are powerful threads that weave people closer together. They serve as reminders of validation, appreciation, and support, fortifying relationships and bolstering self-worth. On the other hand, gossiping, talking down to people, and saying rude and unkind things can hurt others deeply, therefore, it’s essential to recognize how much your words impact others.

Here are tips for improving your communication skills so you can express yourself respectfully no matter the situation:

• Be more empathetic and understanding: When interacting with someone, take a moment to consider how the other person might feel or what they might be going through. Approach conversations and interactions with an open mind, refraining from jumping to conclusions or making assumptions.
• Don’t be scared to be vulnerable: Opening up about your own experiences can help others feel safe to do the same. Recognize that not having all the answers or showing uncertainty can lead to growth and deeper connections.
• Build your emotional intelligence: Regularly check in with your emotions and understand why you feel a certain way. Journaling can be a great tool for this. Before reacting to someone, take a deep breath and consider the most constructive response. Meditation and mindfulness can assist in this practice.

Want to learn more about how to respectfully give the opposite of praise: constructive criticism? Check out this article:  

How to Deliver Constructive Criticism the Right Way